‘Hey, my divorce has come through, let’s throw a party!’ Not words one might typically may expect to find in the same sentence, but an increasing number of us are celebrating the end of our marriages with a knees-up. Celebratory divorce cakes, and cards are becoming quite the norm too.
How do most people feel about divorce parties however? Would that courageous party face be a veneer as we danced the night away, wanting to reassure our friends and family that we are fine, or would we be truly observing? I’m guessing the answer is as varied as the various people and stories from the combination.
For lots of people getting divorced is incredibly harrowing, especially if there are children to consider. Most of us have a romanticised view of marriage, which often ends with growing older and sipping cocoa by the fire together.
When things begin to go wrong people will often try many things before they finally decide to call it a day, committing to working through infidelity, deception, financial hardship or behavioral issues. Before they phone the divorce attorney they’ve often tried treatment, counseling from friends, family members, religious advisers, mediators or trial separations until they eventually say ‘no more’.
Practical issues aplenty also have to be dealt with. Finances and possessions need to be trawled through and apportioned accordingly. Ownership of the CD collection or a 5 year old Christmas gift can suddenly achieve an unprecedented level of significance and poignancy as it makes the reality of this situation even more bleak. There is rarely a reason to feel like celebrating!
Children can suffer the most because of divorce, feeling torn if they are asked to choose where to live or feel that they’re expected to take sides. There may even be the development of new step-parents slowly making their presence felt. Child-related matters can require much tolerance and patience in order to amicably settle custodial, financial and national arrangements. And even grown-up kids can struggle to accept the end of their parents’ marriage, ‘it’s not supposed to happen’, can be heard quite frequently at these times.
Friends may be split in their loyalties, often declining to take sides, but in reality often ending up in one camp. Or friendships might be lost altogether because the newly single situation causes discomfort or unease as everyone’s struggling to adapt the new arrangements. It can even be an unsettling time for friends as they can’t help but reflect on the real state of their own cosy domestic arrangements.
After all of the drama there’s often a period of grief to be worked through, a feeling of loss and feeling a failure to be processed. Post-divorce can necessitate time to cure and lick one’s wounds. It’s rare for both parties to feel the same about a separation and over time the situation may have become acrimonious; each party might have had different perspectives of the union.
So, when the dust begins to settle and a new house, routine and lifestyle have tentatively been embarked upon, throwing a party can seem like a sign that things are finally coming together and a new normality has started to take shape.
It may be a time to shout, ‘I’m coming out the other side’. But it’s also important to be careful as to how one’s ex is feeling. If one individual is clearly struggling financially or is still hurting badly surely some tact and sensitivity is suitable.
After all, you both loved each other once. Seeing your ex throw a lavish party whilst you can hardly afford to pay the bills seems unnecessarily cruel! And children, even adult children, can feel aggrieved if their parent’s demonstrate insensitivity by celebrating excessively at such a tricky time.
Each of the pre-divorce years of negativity, hurt, tolerance of a bad situation or time spent hopeless at an increasing indifference between you both – all that’s finally come to an end.
Tastefully pulling friends, Port St Lucie FL Animal Removal, family and fans together to share a fantastic time and say ‘thanks’ for their aid can be an important way to draw a line under the past and start your devotion to a happier, more optimistic new stage in your life.